My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize