we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
