Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
