I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
