Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
