You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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