Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
