I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
