My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
