My nipple is on Facebook.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
