Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
