i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
