I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
