it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
