i wish my penis had a tongue
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How does one acquire holy water?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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