So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
