So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
