this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
