Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
