I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
