somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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