five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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