You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
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I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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