I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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