woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
