How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
