you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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