the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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