I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
