I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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