I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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