In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
