I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
