I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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