Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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