Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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