I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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