nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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