Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
