she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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