I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
