He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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