it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
youre lurking in front of me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
