i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
