I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's great music for shaving your balls
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
