Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
