So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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