Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
