your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
