it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
