Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
