Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
