What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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