she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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