omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sarcasm needs its own font
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
