Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
