You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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