it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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