Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
