remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
