I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
