Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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