Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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