Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
