my mouth tastes like poor choices
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
