last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
