I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
